


It was Once So Good - Can It Be Like That Again?

by LukasTheWriter



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alludes to One Sided Deceit / Anxiety, Angst with a Happy Ending, But kinda not bc manipulation was the intention, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Will Be a Multi Chapter Fic, angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-03-16 08:19:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13632393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LukasTheWriter/pseuds/LukasTheWriter
Summary: After "Can Lying Be Good?", Virgil gets a horrible reminder of what made Thomas (and the sides) out of balance.





	1. Chapter 1

The overacting of Deceit is what gave him away, in Virgil's mind at least; the dark side was switching between words which didn't correspond with Patton's stance on lying, and Roman's unrestrained actions. Deceit had everyone fooled for too long while playing Morality as horribly as he did - even Virgil at the start believed him. He should have known, maybe he did, but he didn't want him to be back again, although he was never gone- but having him out of sight was enough relief for Virgil.

As he paced in the front room, Virgil thought of  _why_ Deceit wanted to make himself known, or why he felt the need to. It made no sense, if Deceit wanted to keep Thomas under his thumb, for Deceit to make himself known to the man. It was that thought that made Virgil toss the idea that the appearance of the dark side was that of choice. Instead Deceit must have been summoned. Thomas' uncertainty is what summoned Anxiety, but it could have been the need for self reassurance (and Thomas' reluctance of making himself seem infallible) that caused Deceit to show his face- kind of. The thought that Deceit and Anxiety had triggers in common made Virgil feel sick as he contemplated the past  _friendship_ (the use of the term friendship is used very hesitantly) the two had shared.

"Anxiety, doing your job I see." The voice of pure mockery wrapped in a bow of pride. Pride for Anxiety making Thomas feel anxious too, which is what he did in the video. It was instinct to feel instantly anxious, but a part of the anger stemmed from disappointment in himself in letting Deceit still affect him. The side stayed silent, back still facing the other until Virgil took in a shaky breath 

"Get out. This isn't for the dark sides." This was the 'family room' as Patton had insisted. It was where the four took time to connect in the beginning, and the reconciliation, and where they now all eat and enjoy weekly movie nights in which each week is dedicated to a movie of one sides' choices. It was for them, not him or the others.

"And you're here because...?" 

_Is he insinuating-?_

The offence translated into a quiet "Excuse me?" as panic was flooding his brain. Virgil turned to face the smirking Deceit with a straight face, which almost looked pained, as he tried his hardest to keep the tears from his eyes and to stop his _fucking_ hand from shaking like he was outside in the winter winds which was now the only sound that filled the empty space between them.

"Look at you, Anxiety. Now think of them. What do you have in common? What makes you positive to Thomas? Or to them?" The winds were being drowned out as Virgil closed his eyes, envisioning the other three as he compared himself silently to them; They had no dark attributes, they all were relatively positive in their approaches, and had very insignificant and non threatening downsides -

Princey could make Thomas cocky and over confident, but that couldn't kill him.

Logic could make him almost robotic, but even Logan had feelings which he expressed even if not in the typical way. He couldn't hurt Thomas or his friends.

Morality could make him over emotional, which would be sappy or sad, but that wouldn't make Thomas break down into a trip of endless absurd possibilities when a challenge arises.

Only an overdose of Anxiety could give Thomas such negative effects. Without anxiety Thomas a mess- uncaring and ditsy. With Anxiety, Thomas becomes anxious at new possibilities and doubts himself, bringing his mood down, or causing him to panic when he should be having fun. Virgil brings down Patton.

Only an overdose of Anxiety could make Thomas ignore rationality because instead of thinking what was the most likely outcome, Thomas indulges in the worst scenarios that anxiety could conjure. Virgil brings down Logan.

Only an overdose of Anxiety could cause Thomas to be too afraid to try his dreams, to give himself a chance at happiness and to feel accomplished. He makes Thomas back out, leaving him unhappy and uncertain, wondering 'what if'. Virgil brings down Roman. 

"Don't- No you can't be!" The voice which usually stayed quite regulated suddenly scoffed as it accelerated with Deceit's bewilderment. "I remember that stance, you're thinking about what he said, aren't you?" 

He wouldn't give in.

"Anxiety, you know you can tell me. I know what he said. I heard. We all did."

It was his fault. He doesn't deserve- 

"Virgil," The voice was soft as a pair of hands gently rested on the anxious side's shoulders, which he only now noticed were slumped as they shook. He was crying. Virgil's eyes looked up wthout moving his head from the hunched position. He could only see Deceit's sympathetic pout. "Why associate with them if that's what they believe?" 

 _"They don-"_ The two words couldn't even be called a whisper at how quiet the breath of words came out of his mouth 

"Why did he say it? Why did the others follow in his thinking. They couldn't have changed so drastically could they? You can't think so." Virgil wanted to tell him that he was wrong, but how could he? Virgil couldn't help to believe the side, but it was  _Deceit;_  he was supposed to make people believe lies to make them feel - but it was usually to make them feel _better_ , so why would he lie to make him feel worse? "Are we really that bad? If we all make up Thomas, how can  _'Dark Sides'_ be so bad?" After everything, Anxiety just felt so tired, so lost and , for the first time in a long time, Anxiety felt comfort in Deceit's presence. So Virgil leaned down to rest on Deceit's shoulder.

He was taken to a room like the 'family room', but with darker lighting and less silence for thinking. Two hands pushed the almost limp figure up, where Virgil saw Deceit's smile "Welcome home Virgil."


	2. Chapter 2

Morality was on his way to find Thomas, making his way to the front lounge to sit and have The Talk about Deceit. As the self-proclaimed and supported father of the group, Patton felt awful for keeping the side away from Thomas.Although the act of keeping information from Thomas was out of all of their hands, Patton still felt as if he had committed a lie of omission. However, Patton had not had the chance to discuss anything with Thomas as he found Logan crouching in front him, trying to gain the man's attention. 

"Now Thomas, is there a reason you're feeling this way? Could it have been Deceit's impromptu appearance? That has to have been the cause of your stressful sta-" Logan was obviously trying to find the causation of what had made Thomas so emotional. At first he had deduced the emotion as stress - Thomas was hunched and unresponsive- but once he saw Patton by his side, also  in a futile attempt to gain Thomas' attention, he could see that Morality did not seem stressed, much rather concerned. "Not stressed." 

Thomas simply shook his head.

Patton was often seen as soft-witted, yet it was so obvious to him; Thomas was anxious. "He's not breathing right," The concern was heavily laced in the words aimed to the logical side next to him 

"It seems Thomas' regulation of breathing has slowed dramatically." 

"Thomas, are you feeling... anxious?" Another simple nod is the only response which came from the mute bundle Thomas had became in the last minute, which seemed to slowly try and ingrain himself in to the couch. Unfamiliar with different expressions of emotions, Logan looked in confusion to Patton "Anxiety can be shown in lots of ways. Thomas usually has panic attacks,"

"Which increase his regular breathing to a higher frequency." Logic added 

"But it looks like Thomas isn't having a panic attack, just feeling overall anxious, right?" A hum left Thomas' throat in confirmation "Which is still not what we want, obviously, but Virgil usually takes in this bounds of anxiety." Logan had already guessed what Patton had just confirmed ; Virgil often took it upon himself to take in Thomas' little means of anxiety in small events (buying regular items from stores, or visiting family which he liked enough). He knew because this is when Logic took over to calm the queries when Thomas no longer was worrying. Logic wished to bring up Virgil and why he was now leaving Thomas to accumulate anxiety on his own, but it was only logical to try and calm Thomas first. This would mean having to ask Anxiety directly. 

"Virgil, may you come to the front lounge?" 

_Nothing_

"Kiddo, come on, we need you." 

_Nothing_

It scared Patton how the anxious state Thomas was in was now fading, but still leaving Thomas unresponsive- without Anxiety's input, Thomas was aloof and childlike as he showed no concern for which he had usually, but this was different. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is following the same time space as the first chapter did, ending the same time as Virgil had been taken to the 'Anti-Family Room' by Deceit. 
> 
> Can you see the hint to who sided with who at first -with the previously hinted to break Anxiety to the other sides (I hint a lot) 
> 
> I felt this was a filler to progress the story instead of jumping into the angst section too quickly. Please feel happy to comment, I love seeing the kudos and comments, they make my day!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated! I'm sorry it's short, I have one GCSE left and hopefully I can update more over the summer.

The room was dingy and dark, every corner gave Virgil the chills despite the room nearly identically resembling the 'Family Room'. The golden slits that held the unrelenting stare only added to the pure fear that kept the lethargic side awake despite the waves of exhaustion that seemed to be never ending.

"You know," Vigril stammered "It's quieter."

Deceit turned up his nose at the implication behind the lazy smirk which rested on Virgil's face. Just like Patton; Logan; Roman and himself, there were multiple 'Dark Sides' that usually caused quite the raucous – maybe the first sign that Anxiety didn't belong with Deceit and the others is that he finds comfort in a softer environment, but he had always contributed to the loud nature due ti his breakdowns which were much more prevalent when he was with the 'Dark Sides' of Thomas' personality. 

"Pride and Anger rarely show themselves thanks to your friends" Deceit spat. Virgil found deep satisfaction in causing Deceit such unrest with as few words as he could have possibly used. The satisfaction only stayed for a moment – until Deceit 's snarl turned into a dark chuckle, his frown curling like a snake as his lips rested in a stretched smirk "I'm sure Pride feels as his job is already been taken by, what was his name again? - Oh, Creativity."

"Don't you fucking dare!" The remark hit Virgil in the face, tearing the sleep from his mind. "He's nothing like you!" Virgil didn't realise he stood until he was towering over Deceit, the golden slits now shadowed as Virgil's body blocked the light. 

"Yet you doubt yourself?" 

"Roman helps Thomas with ideas, helps him realise and achieve his dreams; I stop that." The last part of the sentence fell flat, but the anger was still laced in his words, the only problem was Virgil had no idea who they were aimed at anymore; Deceit or himself. "You can say bad things about me, but I won't let you say bad things about the others."

"I must say, I wasn't expecting such an explosion, Anger would be proud."

"Anger can shove it." Virgil tried to calm himself, hands flapping at his sides as he took a deep breath in and a long breath out, turning away from Deceit. ' _Remember what Patton said_ ,' Virgil thought ' _In for 7, out for 11_ ' . His feet had a mind of their own as the familiar corridor lead to 6 identical doors, the only difference was the colours;

Blue, Borderline Black; Ignorance

Dark Green; Envy 

Unvarnished Gold; Pride 

Maroon; Anger

Dirty Yellow; Deceit

Dark Purple; Anxiety 

Each door lead to a bedroom, Anxiety's door was also borderline black, but lighter than Ignorance – his was always the lightest of them all, however his current room had a lilac door with darker purple for the accents – they all had dark accents on their doors back at home, Patton said it was a metaphor; everyone can do bad, but we're good because of our intentions. 

Opening the purple door made Virgil feel closed in, like the air was sucked from his lungs; every wall was black, the bed was silver with red covers – it was depressing to look at – his walls were barren, the clock smashed, resting on the floor where Anxiety threw it when he was kept hostage in his room by Deceit, just before he joined Roman, Patton and Logan. He was sure Deceit knew where Anxiety was going to try and head off to. It wasn't a secret, which was probably a fault on Virgil's behalf. Just looking at this room made Virgil miss his home where his room had royal blue walls (kind of ironic, if you asked Virgil himself, but he did love them), an oak wood bed with red sheets and purple pillows, black out curtains, pictures on the walls. His  _'space'_ was dark and full of cobwebs because he rarely ever went there anymore, opting to join Roman usually, or using the 'Family Room' (he was last there in October, so he was sure that was why the curtains were full of spider prints.

Being homesick made his heart heavy and his mind race; he didn't want to betray them, he thought he was good. He really started to believe them all when they said it too.


End file.
